Stuffing vs. Dressing: The Case Before the Kentucky Supreme Court

This Thanksgiving, forget politics. Forget football teams. Forget arguing about who brought the dry rolls. We need the Kentucky Supreme Court to settle the only debate that truly matters: Stuffing vs. Dressing.

The Commonwealth of Kentucky v. “Stuffing”

In the matter of Thanksgiving semantics, the People of Kentucky bring forth the following case:

Exhibit A: Stuffing Is Northerner Behavior

Stuffing is something you cram inside the bird.

That right there tells you everything you need to know.

If you’re poking around in a turkey cavity like you’re doing emergency HVAC work, you’re not from Kentucky.

Kentucky cooks have self-respect. We bake our dressing in a pan as the Lord intended; golden, crispy edges, and not a salmonella lawsuit in sight.

Exhibit B: Dressing Has Flavor, Culture, and Soul

Dressing isn’t just food.

It’s a casserole full of generational trauma, church potluck strategies, and the hope that your mother-in-law will finally admit yours is better.

Stuffing tastes like it was made by a man in New Hampshire who only spices his food with “pepper if it’s cold out.”

Exhibit C: Every Kentuckian Knows This

If you walk up to someone in Pikeville, Paducah, or Paintsville and say, “Hey, y’all got stuffing?” They will respond with exactly two words: “Bless. You.”

That is Southern for “you’re wrong.”

The Mock Court Ruling

After reviewing all testimony, the Kentucky Supreme Court hereby rules:

WHEREAS stuffing is mush that happens inside a turkey,

WHEREAS dressing is a standalone masterpiece requiring a dedicated pan,

AND WHEREAS Kentucky is not Ohio,

IT IS ORDERED that the official term of the Commonwealth shall be:

Dressing.

Case closed.

Court adjourned.

Pass the gravy.