How Not to Croak (or Creak)

If you’ve read this newsletter before, you know my co-author, Stephen Bird, is in beast mode. Macros counted, six-pack chiseled, and leg day, a sacred ritual. Me? I’m 43, sore every morning, and could crush a pizza without batting an eye.

Some of you dudes can relate: we want to stay healthy but not live at the gym or prep meals like a bodybuilder.

So, what does the average guy need to do to avoid creaking like an old door or, worse, keeling over? Here are three simple steps to keep you active, mobile, and alive:

1. Move Your Body (Daily, Not Daintily)

Get 30 minutes of movement most days. It doesn’t have to mean sweating buckets at the gym—walk the dog, chase your kids, or mow the lawn with purpose.

Movement keeps you limber, reduces stiffness, and ensures your heart doesn’t give up on you. Check out these easy exercises.

2. Strength Training: Lift Stuff, Don’t Overthink It

Twice a week, lift something heavier than your remote control. Focus on core, legs, and arms—muscles that keep you upright and functional.

A bag of dog food or that bourbon barrel you’ve been “aging” works too.

According to the National Institute on Aging, strength training can help you maintain muscle mass, improve bone density, and boost metabolism.

3. Stretching: Be Less Stiff Than a 2x4

Spend 10 minutes a day stretching your back, hamstrings, and shoulders—the usual suspects for morning groans.

Search “stretches for dudes who hate yoga” if you’re feeling fancy.

Apps like BetterMe and others even have free versions where you can download daily 10-minute exercise routines that include stretching, mobility, and strengthening exercises.

Bonus: you’ll feel less like a human pretzel every time you stand up.

The Bottom Line

Move often, lift occasionally, and stretch religiously. Start small—“small deposits of time over time are better than one big deposit all at once.”

Master the basics, and maybe one day, you’ll graduate to Bird’s ripped-level fitness advice. Until then, let’s just focus on getting out of bed without wincing—and maybe tossing a football with your nephew.