^{I Was Today Years Old (vol 4)}

Perfect ammo for your next cookout, barstool debate, or awkward pause in the deer blind.

1. Your Microwave Has a Silent Mode

Tired of that loud BEEP when your burrito's done at 1 a.m.? You can often mute your microwave.

Hold the “0” or “Stop/Cancel” button for 3–5 seconds on most models. Some even have a “sound” icon. You’re welcome, sneaky snackers.

2. That Slotted Spoon Measures Pasta

Nope. New one. Let’s go with:

2. Can Openers Work Sideways

Yep, instead of jamming it on top and spilling soup like a rookie, turn it sideways, clamp to the rim, and twist. The top comes off clean, with no sharp edges.

3. The Holes on Reynolds Wrap Boxes Are There to Lock the Roll

Push those little side tabs in. They’ll lock the roll in place, so you stop launching foil across your kitchen every time you rip a piece.

4. Red Solo Cups Are Secret Measuring Tools

• Bottom line = 1 oz (liquor shot)

• Middle = 5 oz (wine)

• Top = 12 oz (beer)

It’s basically a party-certified measuring cup. Which explains why most of us have no idea how many beers we’ve actually had.

5. WD-40 Is NOT a Lubricant

It’s a cleaner and moisture displacer. That squeaky hinge you keep spraying? It’ll just squeak again tomorrow. You need actual lube to fix it.

If you were today years old reading this, you’re not alone. We’re all just out here trying to be a little less dumb, one tip at a time. Until next week, keep your foil locked, your microwave muted, and your dignity slightly intact.